Never thought . . .

a very bad day with bb :(
& i nvr thought this wud be happening .

yes, this hurt! & is really hurting me so much!
though now i seems to be fine,
but when i think of it , is still hurt. very very!

till today, i notice how much i cant afford to lose you!
how much i need you in my life.
how much i want to be with you!

i don mind if u're not in a good mood. or even bad tempered.
i can keep quiet & tolerate!
but what really hurts me is when you said, if i cannot take it den let go.
f. thats really killing me inside.
i want to scream out.
i want to cry out.
i want to run
i wan to torture myself!
but not infront of you!
& yes, i ran!

do you know at that point of time.
im like dead shit!
i cannot let go. i donno how to.
& i don even want to!
i know you said this bcos u're angry!
& once u said, words cannot be taken back.
i cant imagine how life will be without you.!
i donno how m i going to go on.
i cant think of anything.
all my mind is blank!
&& th same quest came to my mind!
what m i going to do? how m i going to let go when i love you this much?
& i wipe off my tears & find you back

i hope this wud be th last time you're treating me like this.
no matter how tough, how xinku i will nvr ever want to let go.
not even a second baby!
please think of me when u said something.
ur words truely hurts me fucking lot!
i hope i can get over it.
im trying to smile, trying to be happy.

i shld be taking care of you.
be dere for you when u're sick
but i din...
i overslept & nvr pei u when u need me most.
i made u pekchek when u're sick.
mayb im too useless.
perhaps im not worth to.
not worth to have someone to dote & love me wholeheartly.

sometimes, blaming myself wud feel better!
sorry i break my promised today.
i don meant to hurt myself.
but ur words .. that makes me cannot take it.

baby, this shall be th lastime thngs happen like this ok?
next time when u not happy i jus try to make u happy.
next time if u don like i play with th ice i won play le ok.
i will be guaiguai infront of you.
sorry baby & illoveyou.

i might be happy now.
but im not. seriously IM NOT!

i want to club tmr.
who wants to go wth me?
i neeeedddd to drinkk & dance plsss!

:(( trying to smile .
lovebbnomatterwhat!!