Ups & down , & now im at down

this may be my last blog post ...
i might not be blogging alr..
so for this post, i shall make it longglong one.

till all of my probs are settled, den i'll back to blog.
i love to blog alott..
i need to blog.
but i donwant myself to blog bcos of some reason.

my blog seems to be rotting.
bb alr stop tagging me, & like dust coming in..
only me myself came to my own blog like everyday..

i blog bcos i want to vent my unhappiness, or post my happiest thing in life.
as part of memories. but now, i donwan all this bad memories.

i donwan bad things to happen to me jus bcos i blog.
im tired of ppl saying bad things at me bcos i blog.
im sick of pin-ing pointing ppl at my blog.. & when th person sees, th person starts to blog abt it.
i donwan to blog, bcos i think tat i makes ppl ard me unhappy..
i donwan ppl to say that all i noe is blog & blog , things happen i dunno how to say it out!
so now...
I DON BLOG..
till im back to my ups (:


mentally torture is what i can say..
i may seems to be alright & fine..
but let me say this, IM NOT ALRIGHT..
once broken, i don think it will be tat easy to mend it back.
once torn, i don think is tat easy to fixed it back.
is not as easy as u guys think..
i noe is not.. bcos i have gone thru it before...
its jus soooner or later.

i can say that im silly,
th stupiest person in th world..
lying to myself.. that this iis not th truth..
i donwant to face it..
bcos im not strong enough to do so..
i want to hide my feelings iinside...
even when i wanna cry, i will hold it back..
bcos to everyone out dere.. im not weak (:
till one day, i really fall.. & u shall see how weak actually iam~

i tell myself ..
time will helps , tiime will solve.
but another part of me says,
minyee its useless.

i dunno whats wrong.
but i myself don feel right.

no matter what, i can beg you..
but not leave me ..
bcos i seriously need you in my life.
bcos i donwan empty promises.
bcos i rmb those things u said.
bcos i miss those days we spent.
bcos i wan back those memories.!

i want myself to belive tat, one day..
we can go back to those days..
another part of me saying NO..

stop crushing on my hopes & dreams..
bcos i really wan you to stay with me..

i can sense it, when is missing, when is back.
& now its still not back.
i doubt soo..

mayb im asking for too much..
mayb im selfish.

im sorry..

i can do anything everything jus for you..
to stay with me.

im jus putting on a strong front, as if i feel nothing..
but deep inside, those words u said hurt be real real fuckin badly.
seriously, is th first time.. i've nvr feel tat hurt before..
almost, im dying inside...
almost, i go crazy.

mayb to you, im not tat important in ur life.
mayb all ur says, are jus entertainin me..
don say donno to me, bcos i noe th answer is no!
bcos u hav to courage to hurt me, so u said dunno..

don pull me back & push me away as u like..
im gonna stick with u.
all i wan is you to be happy..

for now, i can only beg u , not to hurt me anymore.
bcos every piece of me is alr broken..
i hope u are able to mend it back piece by piece.. & not crushin them again..
else end of th day, i only get back bruises & cuts.

for now. i want nothing..
but you to love me only ..
even if' u're gonna bully me, asking me to do this & tat.
i do... but jus stay with me..


..
i lied to myself..
saying that nothing ever happend.
but deres alr a big hole in this relationship..
& i noe, u're also take it as nth happen..
& to me.. im with a broken heart..
hurting me alot... & i hold it back..



stop
ILOVEYOU NO MATTER WHAT!
im not letting go, not giving up, holding on to you...


*i don wish to say so much.
bcos is pointless.
step by step..
& i don think things can remain like th past..
yes, this is a fucking year~ i agree.



FRIENDS?

i seems to be nothing..

.
looking for my full time job currently. i hope like asap manzx!

uncle ask me to be incharge of every week schedule.
like wtf...
SO HARD TO PLAN LUH.
& not everyone will agree with me..
lets co-operate girls...



GOOOD DE BYE (:
I WANT TO BE HAPPY.
MAKE ME SMILE. MAKE ME LAUGH..
& NOT MAKE ME RUNNING TO TH TOILET JUS TO CRY~