learning

i was wrong. Im at fault. Learning to change myself to a better person, else everyone will suffer. Im not good at all i knw, being pampered from young. 19yrs of living in this world, this is th first time i felt tat i have wasted my yrs and how fuckin lousy person im. Im not gonna be liddat anymore. Nt gonna make bb suffer. I wan her to be happy and nt act one happy when she's not, learning to speak with brains. And not my stupid brainless shit habit. That speak and hurts. Tryin my very best and i hope it worka. Not gonna meet for a day plus bcos i have things to attend to,work to do. i cannot expect us to stick together anymore. We must have our own free time for others.. Even thou its hurts, but i cant say anything, bcos my fault.. Ii shld be happy with what i gt nw. And not hope for so much. Not everyone is th same. Im going to bed nw. meeting kay and charmaine later on at 12plus.. Yawndss. Goodnight...

useless

nowadays using my fone to blog can killsss. Lol. I cried a jialat one today. Finally i burst again. And all i can say nw is sorry. Is th first time i see my dad cried bcos of me, im sorry to diisappoint em agn and agn. Sighs. Lucky bb is dere for me. A shlder for me to lean on. sighs. I dunno how to face my dad anymore. Im trying my best to get a job. And a new liife. I hope thy won b giving me pressure. Tmr work agn. I jus wanna work as many days as i cud . Trying nt to stick wit bb too much also. I love you dear. And no more nextyme treatin me kike this. Its hurting me so much ok. But overall i know u cares.. Sighs. Hope things wud goes smoothly....

Anyway im upset with bb going out to drink llaat night. But im all to blameeee. Im jus worried. No more nextyme ok. Loveyou always bb.. Muamuackkkks.

FUCK YOU

IF YOU THINK THIS IS ALL I WANT.
SO BE IT.

you wont know how im feeling now!
& you wont get to know what iim doing actually.
yes i always love you.
BUT YOU?

i knoe sumthing bad is happening.
always i can sense.

THANKS TO ALL MY NONSENSE!
ALL MY FAULT.!

YAH WHATEVER.
JUS FUCK IT ALL UP.

BYEBYEBYE

this is reality

im a joke' i think that im so retarded spammin at my own blog and fb. Bcos at this point of time i find nobody to talk to. Im not blamin bb at all. Bcos i noe u nvr say anythin. Is me that is thinking. And i understand th stated facts. Im sorry. But i know u need th time. U cannot be dere for me always. But nvm, i can stay alone. Im soo stupid. Jus like one idiot. Seriously. Hahahahahaha. I laugh like nobody businness. But actually i wanted to cry out so badly .... Im afraid, i wud start to torture myself agn.. Do u all ever think of what i really need and want in life''?? I think noone knoows...night

im hoping so much you wud stay

tell me if this is not what u want. Tell me if you don like, tell me what u actually wants. I can change for you. Willing to do anything, i swear.. Even if it hurts me a million times. But for you, im willing to. I guess im also th one thinkin too much now. Perhaps im making u pissed off. but from what i see, im th causes of everything. I hope when i give u th time u need, u really wud get a job. I can come to you when you need me, u can treat me like a trash, i don mind at all. Bcos i loveyou. Im learning to be alone when bb is nt with me. And i believe i can.... At times im feeling so useeless. Agrh.. Nighttt

its hurts me alot. But i accept it

this is hurting me alotalot. But i have to accept. Cus i believe you are right too..
Mayb is really not a good thing stickin together with each other everything..
Perhaps i shld spend more time with my girls and let u have th time u need,
When u need me im jus a call away..
I think i shld start to learn to be independent.
Not sticking with u all th time.. I try to accept all th facts. And i will keep myself occupy.. In th past, they says i have no time for them, and we broke up.. Den i changed. I started to spend more time with my partner.. But for you?? Why? I really dun understand.. But what i can do is to give u what u want.. I hope this is what u want.. Wiping off my tears and get bl to slp nw. Possible i will spend more time with my girls instead.. Let u have all th time u wan. When u are free den ,eet me alright. Don forget, i always love you. And i hope this won drift us apart.. Loveeees you always...