I jus don

things that im upset with or unhappy with.
i jus donwant to share it with you.
bcos no point saying it.

i donwant to have any probs with you.
so my family thing i will keep it to myself.
as recently they are forcing me to do things i really donwant to.
i donwan & dunno how to say this.

my stress. i'll handle it.
my dad, tat bitch is driving me crazy!

i'll move out one day when i have my own stable income!
work harder to find my job!
& i hope once i have my stable income for myself, it wud b stable!
& not always still not enough.
i jus don get it...
is always not enough..

im a guest,
renting this BED! not room~ & a lousy lil coomputer.
with nobody toking to me.
like a transparent one.
DEN? WHATS TH POINT OF STAYING HERE?

when i have probs..
they don willing to help me out at all!
so whats th FUCK point?

all they do is force force force!
& i will push thm back! & keep pushin.
trying to be harder.

EVERYONE'S SAYING...
you changed...
SOO MUCH.

from 2010 onwards YOU CHANGED.
im thinkinggg....
changes as in?
* living like a dead zombie everyday
*SUPER many financial prob.
*breakdown'
*depress
*working with no attention at all
*late nights
*sleepless
*disappointment on families

know why?
bcos, my heart, my mind, my brain, my everything
only focus on one thing.

&^ $$$$$$$ signnnn i needddd all over!
when im down down down,
WHO ELSE CAN HELP ME? WHO ELSE?

if i have th money now, i don even wan to owe any debts on myself!
LIKE NOW, im carrying $500+ , $275, $51.00
Hotel $100 summore, Bus $200.
c'on.. all these not 2 digits. is 3!

whereeee am i going to settle all this?
workkkkkk ^& pay for it?
SIGHS.

i want to give my loves one happiness..
being with me w/out worries.
but how? when im alr at tis state.

regretting so much when i havent save when im richer lastyme!
RAHHHHHHHH~



moneymoney drop from e sky!
OR MAKE ME BCOME A MILLIONAIRE!

so tat i will leave home,
buy a house stays together with love.
go overseas.
shoppppingggg
pay my debts!
& EVERYTHING.....

BUT EVERYTHING WILL STILL B POINTLESS IF LOVE IS NT WITH ME :(



sometimes i jus donno how to say this out...
bcos, my fault my bad my fault my bad.
YAH WHATEVER. MY FAULT MY BAD.

BLAHBLAHBLAH `~

DU LAN!!

fuck damn pissed off naoxz!
AGRH! I JUS DON WISH TO SAY WHATS GOING ON!
I HATE STAYING AT THIS FUCKIN HOME!
ALLL PLS GO AND BANG WALL & DIE CAN?!

is my freedom to do what i wan to do.
i dunnid noone of u to even care for me.
pls fuckin fuck off now!
RAH `~

&& i shall do everything on my own.
i dunnid a fucking maid to do a fuckiing thing.
housework i do it myself. den u shall nt kp and fuck off u bitch!
stop complainin to my dad this *& tat...
I DON FUCKING SCARED OF HIM OR CARE.

im renting this fucking bed to sleep onlyyy!
i dunnid any money or anyone of u to hlp me.
esp u. i donnid ur favour. u can f off




IM FUCKINGGGG DU LAN NAOZX!
BUT I WILL ACT AS IF NTH. jus donwan bb to asked or worry ...
with my fucking familyyyy!


ALL GO DIE CAN ALRR!

FUCK OFF BIATCHHHHH~

bigbigbig sorry

i really donwant you to see my blog. i donwant to hurt u. But still u saw it. Im sorrryyy bigbig sorry. This time round im saying sorry bcos i really feel bad now. what do u mean by what goes ard come ard?? Im ny doing this to hurt u back. I don meant it. Baby, u shld noe how much i dote on u. How am i bear to hurt u right? Babylove. Im sorry. Reallyyy. I willing to accept all th punishment u give. Im jus angry and fed up thats why. I wont be repeating my mustake. Sorry and i love u alot my dear...

a new start ???

you said give u a new chance again..
you know i know but we acted blur..

ur chance is granted
& somehow i hope u wud cherish me.
this time round i wanna try to make things work..
but if i cant den i really think is time to let go.
i hope i will b able to do it..

i log in to ur msn jus nw..
she sent ALRIGHT THEN .. time is yst 4.12am?
I THOUGH U WAS ASLEEP?
i dunno or doneven want to think or what!
conversation is over..
i hope is over between th both of u..

LAST MEANS LAST!
THIS TIME ROUND IM SAYING TH TRUTH!

don let me caught anymore.
I SICK OF IT.
SERIOUSLY..


th time u need i given..
u said 2 days i grant u..
but u are th one hu text me...
saying that u think through it...
u said is over.. u only bother abt me.
now, i donwan u mouth say only..
i wan u to do it!
fucking do it for me.

IF U TRUELY NEED ME IN LIFE YOU WILL.!
I HOPE I DON PUT SO MUCH IN.
else disappointment again.
I HATE~

baby, u shld noe how much u meant to me.
u urself clearlys noe that i love u more den u love me..

life wud really be meaningless..
without u.

IF one day, i really have no choice but to let go..
i will wait till th day u really move on..
if u keep clinging back to her.
u will nvr have a life. unless u really want her back..


SOMEHOW I FUCKING FEEL LIKE A THIRD PARTY.
& tears eventually rolls out on it owns.

b, i beg you ..
not to lie or hurt me anymore...
make me feel loved & cherish.
thats all i need.

HUGS.

ate my med. getting giddy.
going to bed soon.
tata



I HOPE FOR THOSE WHO NOE MY BLOG PLS DO NOT LINK ME!
TAG ARE WELCOME BUT NOT LINK~

i guess noone wil even read la (:

NIGHT

wonder ....

i think my blog is rot. i don think anyone is reading it either.
sucks to th max.

i will still blog.. but i donwan anyone to see what im bloggin alright.

F!
please leave me alone for now..
you wont noe how hurt i'am...

you wont know th true feelings...
i have to hide myself inside...

is nt minyee anymore..
no longer th same.
really fuck my life!!!!!

as long as i noe,
i give it all.. i shld nt regret..
bcos i alr given u all my love..
trying my best to work it out.
but u will nvr hav enough..

you lie again & again..
i will jus take it as i donno a single thing.

i will continue lovin u.
i will try to...

im thinking ......
if being hurt too much, will feelings fade off?
will it lessen?
will it go missing?

if i were to given a chance..
i donwan love!
I DONWAN FUCKING GET HURT BY LOVE.
i wan to leave this place...
if only i can ... if only i can don llove you!
BUT SORRY. I CANT....

WHEN TH DAY U WALKED IN TO MY LIFE..
I NVR GOT TH CHANCE U MAKE U WALKED OUT...
I NVR SORT IIT OUT.
POINTLESS. MEANINGLESS.


no matter how hard i tried..
is useless alr.

all ii cn do is act as if im fine.
bcos u cannot take it if im my true self.
YOU CANT!


DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH EFFORT I PUT IN?
DO YOU EVEN FUCKING KNOW IS NOT EASY HANGING ON?

F ALL THIS SO MUCH...

if i can cancel or delete love.
I SWEAR I WOULD!


if you were to leave mai world..
ALL I CAN SAY. MY LIFE IS SCREWED..
&
I DON BELIEVE IN LOVE ANYMORE..



i said it again..
THIS IS MY KARMA?



if only ii cud...
i wud wwan a timeout badly..

YOU SETTLE ALL UR EX STUFFS!
CLEAR A REAL CLEAR LINE...
FIND A FUCKING STABLE JOB..
DEN COME BACK TO ME..

IF YOU REALLY LOVE ME,, IF U REALLY WAN ME BACK.
IIF U REALLY NEED ME IN LIFE.
IF YOU REALLY

YOU WUD DO ALL THIS FOR ME!

( I RMB) you once said: i will be ur last.
BUT I SERIOUSLY DON THINK SO..
4MTHS.. U GIVEN ME SHIT. HOW ABT 4 YRS?
SEEING ME IN IMH?

FUCK IT..
i don even dare to think abt th next step! seriously.
YOU ARE JUS KILLING ME ALRIGHT.

MENTALLY TORTURING ME.

U SAID U WILL CHANGE. FOR A BETTER FOR THIS RS.
U SAID U WUD BE GOOD TO ME..

HEY LET ME TELL U THIS...
NO DIFFERENCE.?! OK!! NOT AT ALL..

TH ONLY DIFF IS ( FROM E START U ARE AVERAGE)
& WORST COME TO WORST!


if i were to let go?
can i ? i cant even do so..
if i cn... if im still th 16yrs old minyee. & i wud ask u to fuck off from mai life.
SERIOUSLY

JUS FREAK OUT!



but still i love you damn fuck loads.
but u nvr noe hw i feel!



LET ME RANT~
I DUNNID UR FUCKING EYE TO LOOK AT MY BLOG.
FUCK YOU VERY MUCH~

Melts `

back homed.
went to kbox today `

was'nt a nice day for me. & i don think nowadays is nice for me.
as you said, after all this happenings. everything is over.
we start anew, u wud treat me better. den before.
but seriously. nth changed at all.. isn't better at all.
eveerything is still th same..

i've said....
LAST chance, but i could'nt make it last!
bcos i cant...
no matter how hard, sour or bitter. i will continue walking on with u.
is still th same, hurting me without notice.
i donnid anything from u.
but jus you to love me truely. faithfully.
tats all..
ISIT HARD?

you shld noe whats right & wrong.
...

i dunno how long more am i able to take all this..
i dunno whye do i deserve all this.
i hope you are REALLY REALLY ABLE TO! change.
but im nt forcing you~

i rmb when i asked u th other day
: why did u treat me so good..
you answer : from now on im going to treat you good.
i said : for only today..
you said : no, from now on im gonna treat you like this.

yes, listen only..
ur words dosen counts at all..

YOU WONT KNOE HOW MUCH INSECURE I FEEL~
i dunno which of urs is true, & which of urs is lie.
trying to gain them bback.
but things u do, dosen proving me anything.


i really don wish to say anything abt it.
i know i hav been very senstitive this fews days!
BUT WHY?

CAN WE LIVE PEACEFULLY?
CAN I HAVE MY HONEYMOON PERIOD BACK?!

i said , we change for th better..
nt fr th sake of changing alright.



FOR GOODNESS SAKE!
WHATS GOING ON HERE~

no matter how unhappy im...
i still have to hold thm back..

& i cant give up th love...
i can only love you more..
i can only plus & NOT minus..

but i noe u can minus dem & plus them as & when u like..

TATS WHY IM FEAR... ALWAYS FEAR.


I somehow hope someone wud really understand how am i feeling deep inside.
i somehow hope someone can cry with me..
cry thier lungs out!

i somehow hope someone can bring me to th beach to scream~

I WAN HAPPINESS! PLEASE.... I DESERVE TO...
AM I?