bigbigbig sorry

i really donwant you to see my blog. i donwant to hurt u. But still u saw it. Im sorrryyy bigbig sorry. This time round im saying sorry bcos i really feel bad now. what do u mean by what goes ard come ard?? Im ny doing this to hurt u back. I don meant it. Baby, u shld noe how much i dote on u. How am i bear to hurt u right? Babylove. Im sorry. Reallyyy. I willing to accept all th punishment u give. Im jus angry and fed up thats why. I wont be repeating my mustake. Sorry and i love u alot my dear...

a new start ???

you said give u a new chance again..
you know i know but we acted blur..

ur chance is granted
& somehow i hope u wud cherish me.
this time round i wanna try to make things work..
but if i cant den i really think is time to let go.
i hope i will b able to do it..

i log in to ur msn jus nw..
she sent ALRIGHT THEN .. time is yst 4.12am?
I THOUGH U WAS ASLEEP?
i dunno or doneven want to think or what!
conversation is over..
i hope is over between th both of u..

LAST MEANS LAST!
THIS TIME ROUND IM SAYING TH TRUTH!

don let me caught anymore.
I SICK OF IT.
SERIOUSLY..


th time u need i given..
u said 2 days i grant u..
but u are th one hu text me...
saying that u think through it...
u said is over.. u only bother abt me.
now, i donwan u mouth say only..
i wan u to do it!
fucking do it for me.

IF U TRUELY NEED ME IN LIFE YOU WILL.!
I HOPE I DON PUT SO MUCH IN.
else disappointment again.
I HATE~

baby, u shld noe how much u meant to me.
u urself clearlys noe that i love u more den u love me..

life wud really be meaningless..
without u.

IF one day, i really have no choice but to let go..
i will wait till th day u really move on..
if u keep clinging back to her.
u will nvr have a life. unless u really want her back..


SOMEHOW I FUCKING FEEL LIKE A THIRD PARTY.
& tears eventually rolls out on it owns.

b, i beg you ..
not to lie or hurt me anymore...
make me feel loved & cherish.
thats all i need.

HUGS.

ate my med. getting giddy.
going to bed soon.
tata



I HOPE FOR THOSE WHO NOE MY BLOG PLS DO NOT LINK ME!
TAG ARE WELCOME BUT NOT LINK~

i guess noone wil even read la (:

NIGHT

wonder ....

i think my blog is rot. i don think anyone is reading it either.
sucks to th max.

i will still blog.. but i donwan anyone to see what im bloggin alright.

F!
please leave me alone for now..
you wont noe how hurt i'am...

you wont know th true feelings...
i have to hide myself inside...

is nt minyee anymore..
no longer th same.
really fuck my life!!!!!

as long as i noe,
i give it all.. i shld nt regret..
bcos i alr given u all my love..
trying my best to work it out.
but u will nvr hav enough..

you lie again & again..
i will jus take it as i donno a single thing.

i will continue lovin u.
i will try to...

im thinking ......
if being hurt too much, will feelings fade off?
will it lessen?
will it go missing?

if i were to given a chance..
i donwan love!
I DONWAN FUCKING GET HURT BY LOVE.
i wan to leave this place...
if only i can ... if only i can don llove you!
BUT SORRY. I CANT....

WHEN TH DAY U WALKED IN TO MY LIFE..
I NVR GOT TH CHANCE U MAKE U WALKED OUT...
I NVR SORT IIT OUT.
POINTLESS. MEANINGLESS.


no matter how hard i tried..
is useless alr.

all ii cn do is act as if im fine.
bcos u cannot take it if im my true self.
YOU CANT!


DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH EFFORT I PUT IN?
DO YOU EVEN FUCKING KNOW IS NOT EASY HANGING ON?

F ALL THIS SO MUCH...

if i can cancel or delete love.
I SWEAR I WOULD!


if you were to leave mai world..
ALL I CAN SAY. MY LIFE IS SCREWED..
&
I DON BELIEVE IN LOVE ANYMORE..



i said it again..
THIS IS MY KARMA?



if only ii cud...
i wud wwan a timeout badly..

YOU SETTLE ALL UR EX STUFFS!
CLEAR A REAL CLEAR LINE...
FIND A FUCKING STABLE JOB..
DEN COME BACK TO ME..

IF YOU REALLY LOVE ME,, IF U REALLY WAN ME BACK.
IIF U REALLY NEED ME IN LIFE.
IF YOU REALLY

YOU WUD DO ALL THIS FOR ME!

( I RMB) you once said: i will be ur last.
BUT I SERIOUSLY DON THINK SO..
4MTHS.. U GIVEN ME SHIT. HOW ABT 4 YRS?
SEEING ME IN IMH?

FUCK IT..
i don even dare to think abt th next step! seriously.
YOU ARE JUS KILLING ME ALRIGHT.

MENTALLY TORTURING ME.

U SAID U WILL CHANGE. FOR A BETTER FOR THIS RS.
U SAID U WUD BE GOOD TO ME..

HEY LET ME TELL U THIS...
NO DIFFERENCE.?! OK!! NOT AT ALL..

TH ONLY DIFF IS ( FROM E START U ARE AVERAGE)
& WORST COME TO WORST!


if i were to let go?
can i ? i cant even do so..
if i cn... if im still th 16yrs old minyee. & i wud ask u to fuck off from mai life.
SERIOUSLY

JUS FREAK OUT!



but still i love you damn fuck loads.
but u nvr noe hw i feel!



LET ME RANT~
I DUNNID UR FUCKING EYE TO LOOK AT MY BLOG.
FUCK YOU VERY MUCH~

Melts `

back homed.
went to kbox today `

was'nt a nice day for me. & i don think nowadays is nice for me.
as you said, after all this happenings. everything is over.
we start anew, u wud treat me better. den before.
but seriously. nth changed at all.. isn't better at all.
eveerything is still th same..

i've said....
LAST chance, but i could'nt make it last!
bcos i cant...
no matter how hard, sour or bitter. i will continue walking on with u.
is still th same, hurting me without notice.
i donnid anything from u.
but jus you to love me truely. faithfully.
tats all..
ISIT HARD?

you shld noe whats right & wrong.
...

i dunno how long more am i able to take all this..
i dunno whye do i deserve all this.
i hope you are REALLY REALLY ABLE TO! change.
but im nt forcing you~

i rmb when i asked u th other day
: why did u treat me so good..
you answer : from now on im going to treat you good.
i said : for only today..
you said : no, from now on im gonna treat you like this.

yes, listen only..
ur words dosen counts at all..

YOU WONT KNOE HOW MUCH INSECURE I FEEL~
i dunno which of urs is true, & which of urs is lie.
trying to gain them bback.
but things u do, dosen proving me anything.


i really don wish to say anything abt it.
i know i hav been very senstitive this fews days!
BUT WHY?

CAN WE LIVE PEACEFULLY?
CAN I HAVE MY HONEYMOON PERIOD BACK?!

i said , we change for th better..
nt fr th sake of changing alright.



FOR GOODNESS SAKE!
WHATS GOING ON HERE~

no matter how unhappy im...
i still have to hold thm back..

& i cant give up th love...
i can only love you more..
i can only plus & NOT minus..

but i noe u can minus dem & plus them as & when u like..

TATS WHY IM FEAR... ALWAYS FEAR.


I somehow hope someone wud really understand how am i feeling deep inside.
i somehow hope someone can cry with me..
cry thier lungs out!

i somehow hope someone can bring me to th beach to scream~

I WAN HAPPINESS! PLEASE.... I DESERVE TO...
AM I?

i used to . ..

hello everyone ...

finally im back to blog.
for now, i hope every is over..
everything is back to normal.

life was'nt good for me..
has been a real hard thing for me to accept th facts!
but still i have to face it ...

im still looking for a job..
& i hope everything wud be stable...
& not ups & down agns.



i nvr tot i wud have this day!
i nvr tot this wud happen to me.
i nvr tot someone will even treat me like this.
i nvr tot i wud be so stupid..

over, i hope is over.
& we start anew again..
this time round i hope u wud not be like lastyme anymore.
i don wan any secrets between us pls.
if u donn lie, & we wont be having misunderstood.
im not unreasonable . share with me ...
every lil things.


one time shot,
u told me everything ...
i cant even believe what im hearing..
& u jus make me burst in tears!
till today, i try to hold back my tears..
to forget th hurt u gave..
but still is too painfull..
is unbearable. do u feel guilty? do u feel sad?
at first i felt being cheated so much so much!
i felt being toyed... but i hope you din..
i hope u are true to me...

actually i dunnid much for u..
i donnid presents , i donnid suprise, i donnid u to pampered me all th time.
all i want for is, you to love me sincerely, faithfully& truely..
tats all...

i might not b as rich as her.
i might nt buy u a fone..
i might nt give u everything u wanted..
but i can ashure u, i can give u th priceless love & happiness.
i can sacrifice anything as long u u are happy..

from now on...
i will slowly try to gain back th trust..
& i hope this time round u are nt gonna break it..
bcos is becoming mor & more fragile alr.
i hope you will try to mend back th hurt you've done..

& i choosen to forgive you!
but i cannot forget...
cherish me, do not take me for granted.

i cannot say you are nt at fault at all!
bcos seriously u're part of it..

if only u don accept th gifts.
if only you don borrow her card
if only you don reply her.
if only u don contact her.
if only you draw a clear line.
if only u tell me th whole truth.

i jus don get it.
whats th point when u noe th truth will be out one day.
den why do u stil wanna lie?



baby i love you..
& i don wan such things to happen..
mayb to u, ima dumb...
but im not!
but u can take me as one..

Ups & down , & now im at down

this may be my last blog post ...
i might not be blogging alr..
so for this post, i shall make it longglong one.

till all of my probs are settled, den i'll back to blog.
i love to blog alott..
i need to blog.
but i donwant myself to blog bcos of some reason.

my blog seems to be rotting.
bb alr stop tagging me, & like dust coming in..
only me myself came to my own blog like everyday..

i blog bcos i want to vent my unhappiness, or post my happiest thing in life.
as part of memories. but now, i donwan all this bad memories.

i donwan bad things to happen to me jus bcos i blog.
im tired of ppl saying bad things at me bcos i blog.
im sick of pin-ing pointing ppl at my blog.. & when th person sees, th person starts to blog abt it.
i donwan to blog, bcos i think tat i makes ppl ard me unhappy..
i donwan ppl to say that all i noe is blog & blog , things happen i dunno how to say it out!
so now...
I DON BLOG..
till im back to my ups (:


mentally torture is what i can say..
i may seems to be alright & fine..
but let me say this, IM NOT ALRIGHT..
once broken, i don think it will be tat easy to mend it back.
once torn, i don think is tat easy to fixed it back.
is not as easy as u guys think..
i noe is not.. bcos i have gone thru it before...
its jus soooner or later.

i can say that im silly,
th stupiest person in th world..
lying to myself.. that this iis not th truth..
i donwant to face it..
bcos im not strong enough to do so..
i want to hide my feelings iinside...
even when i wanna cry, i will hold it back..
bcos to everyone out dere.. im not weak (:
till one day, i really fall.. & u shall see how weak actually iam~

i tell myself ..
time will helps , tiime will solve.
but another part of me says,
minyee its useless.

i dunno whats wrong.
but i myself don feel right.

no matter what, i can beg you..
but not leave me ..
bcos i seriously need you in my life.
bcos i donwan empty promises.
bcos i rmb those things u said.
bcos i miss those days we spent.
bcos i wan back those memories.!

i want myself to belive tat, one day..
we can go back to those days..
another part of me saying NO..

stop crushing on my hopes & dreams..
bcos i really wan you to stay with me..

i can sense it, when is missing, when is back.
& now its still not back.
i doubt soo..

mayb im asking for too much..
mayb im selfish.

im sorry..

i can do anything everything jus for you..
to stay with me.

im jus putting on a strong front, as if i feel nothing..
but deep inside, those words u said hurt be real real fuckin badly.
seriously, is th first time.. i've nvr feel tat hurt before..
almost, im dying inside...
almost, i go crazy.

mayb to you, im not tat important in ur life.
mayb all ur says, are jus entertainin me..
don say donno to me, bcos i noe th answer is no!
bcos u hav to courage to hurt me, so u said dunno..

don pull me back & push me away as u like..
im gonna stick with u.
all i wan is you to be happy..

for now, i can only beg u , not to hurt me anymore.
bcos every piece of me is alr broken..
i hope u are able to mend it back piece by piece.. & not crushin them again..
else end of th day, i only get back bruises & cuts.

for now. i want nothing..
but you to love me only ..
even if' u're gonna bully me, asking me to do this & tat.
i do... but jus stay with me..


..
i lied to myself..
saying that nothing ever happend.
but deres alr a big hole in this relationship..
& i noe, u're also take it as nth happen..
& to me.. im with a broken heart..
hurting me alot... & i hold it back..



stop
ILOVEYOU NO MATTER WHAT!
im not letting go, not giving up, holding on to you...


*i don wish to say so much.
bcos is pointless.
step by step..
& i don think things can remain like th past..
yes, this is a fucking year~ i agree.



FRIENDS?

i seems to be nothing..

.
looking for my full time job currently. i hope like asap manzx!

uncle ask me to be incharge of every week schedule.
like wtf...
SO HARD TO PLAN LUH.
& not everyone will agree with me..
lets co-operate girls...



GOOOD DE BYE (:
I WANT TO BE HAPPY.
MAKE ME SMILE. MAKE ME LAUGH..
& NOT MAKE ME RUNNING TO TH TOILET JUS TO CRY~