i used to . ..

hello everyone ...

finally im back to blog.
for now, i hope every is over..
everything is back to normal.

life was'nt good for me..
has been a real hard thing for me to accept th facts!
but still i have to face it ...

im still looking for a job..
& i hope everything wud be stable...
& not ups & down agns.



i nvr tot i wud have this day!
i nvr tot this wud happen to me.
i nvr tot someone will even treat me like this.
i nvr tot i wud be so stupid..

over, i hope is over.
& we start anew again..
this time round i hope u wud not be like lastyme anymore.
i don wan any secrets between us pls.
if u donn lie, & we wont be having misunderstood.
im not unreasonable . share with me ...
every lil things.


one time shot,
u told me everything ...
i cant even believe what im hearing..
& u jus make me burst in tears!
till today, i try to hold back my tears..
to forget th hurt u gave..
but still is too painfull..
is unbearable. do u feel guilty? do u feel sad?
at first i felt being cheated so much so much!
i felt being toyed... but i hope you din..
i hope u are true to me...

actually i dunnid much for u..
i donnid presents , i donnid suprise, i donnid u to pampered me all th time.
all i want for is, you to love me sincerely, faithfully& truely..
tats all...

i might not b as rich as her.
i might nt buy u a fone..
i might nt give u everything u wanted..
but i can ashure u, i can give u th priceless love & happiness.
i can sacrifice anything as long u u are happy..

from now on...
i will slowly try to gain back th trust..
& i hope this time round u are nt gonna break it..
bcos is becoming mor & more fragile alr.
i hope you will try to mend back th hurt you've done..

& i choosen to forgive you!
but i cannot forget...
cherish me, do not take me for granted.

i cannot say you are nt at fault at all!
bcos seriously u're part of it..

if only u don accept th gifts.
if only you don borrow her card
if only you don reply her.
if only u don contact her.
if only you draw a clear line.
if only u tell me th whole truth.

i jus don get it.
whats th point when u noe th truth will be out one day.
den why do u stil wanna lie?



baby i love you..
& i don wan such things to happen..
mayb to u, ima dumb...
but im not!
but u can take me as one..

Ups & down , & now im at down

this may be my last blog post ...
i might not be blogging alr..
so for this post, i shall make it longglong one.

till all of my probs are settled, den i'll back to blog.
i love to blog alott..
i need to blog.
but i donwant myself to blog bcos of some reason.

my blog seems to be rotting.
bb alr stop tagging me, & like dust coming in..
only me myself came to my own blog like everyday..

i blog bcos i want to vent my unhappiness, or post my happiest thing in life.
as part of memories. but now, i donwan all this bad memories.

i donwan bad things to happen to me jus bcos i blog.
im tired of ppl saying bad things at me bcos i blog.
im sick of pin-ing pointing ppl at my blog.. & when th person sees, th person starts to blog abt it.
i donwan to blog, bcos i think tat i makes ppl ard me unhappy..
i donwan ppl to say that all i noe is blog & blog , things happen i dunno how to say it out!
so now...
I DON BLOG..
till im back to my ups (:


mentally torture is what i can say..
i may seems to be alright & fine..
but let me say this, IM NOT ALRIGHT..
once broken, i don think it will be tat easy to mend it back.
once torn, i don think is tat easy to fixed it back.
is not as easy as u guys think..
i noe is not.. bcos i have gone thru it before...
its jus soooner or later.

i can say that im silly,
th stupiest person in th world..
lying to myself.. that this iis not th truth..
i donwant to face it..
bcos im not strong enough to do so..
i want to hide my feelings iinside...
even when i wanna cry, i will hold it back..
bcos to everyone out dere.. im not weak (:
till one day, i really fall.. & u shall see how weak actually iam~

i tell myself ..
time will helps , tiime will solve.
but another part of me says,
minyee its useless.

i dunno whats wrong.
but i myself don feel right.

no matter what, i can beg you..
but not leave me ..
bcos i seriously need you in my life.
bcos i donwan empty promises.
bcos i rmb those things u said.
bcos i miss those days we spent.
bcos i wan back those memories.!

i want myself to belive tat, one day..
we can go back to those days..
another part of me saying NO..

stop crushing on my hopes & dreams..
bcos i really wan you to stay with me..

i can sense it, when is missing, when is back.
& now its still not back.
i doubt soo..

mayb im asking for too much..
mayb im selfish.

im sorry..

i can do anything everything jus for you..
to stay with me.

im jus putting on a strong front, as if i feel nothing..
but deep inside, those words u said hurt be real real fuckin badly.
seriously, is th first time.. i've nvr feel tat hurt before..
almost, im dying inside...
almost, i go crazy.

mayb to you, im not tat important in ur life.
mayb all ur says, are jus entertainin me..
don say donno to me, bcos i noe th answer is no!
bcos u hav to courage to hurt me, so u said dunno..

don pull me back & push me away as u like..
im gonna stick with u.
all i wan is you to be happy..

for now, i can only beg u , not to hurt me anymore.
bcos every piece of me is alr broken..
i hope u are able to mend it back piece by piece.. & not crushin them again..
else end of th day, i only get back bruises & cuts.

for now. i want nothing..
but you to love me only ..
even if' u're gonna bully me, asking me to do this & tat.
i do... but jus stay with me..


..
i lied to myself..
saying that nothing ever happend.
but deres alr a big hole in this relationship..
& i noe, u're also take it as nth happen..
& to me.. im with a broken heart..
hurting me alot... & i hold it back..



stop
ILOVEYOU NO MATTER WHAT!
im not letting go, not giving up, holding on to you...


*i don wish to say so much.
bcos is pointless.
step by step..
& i don think things can remain like th past..
yes, this is a fucking year~ i agree.



FRIENDS?

i seems to be nothing..

.
looking for my full time job currently. i hope like asap manzx!

uncle ask me to be incharge of every week schedule.
like wtf...
SO HARD TO PLAN LUH.
& not everyone will agree with me..
lets co-operate girls...



GOOOD DE BYE (:
I WANT TO BE HAPPY.
MAKE ME SMILE. MAKE ME LAUGH..
& NOT MAKE ME RUNNING TO TH TOILET JUS TO CRY~

i will try..

i'll still be holdin on, trying to hold u back. I believe i can, though now i can feel a thousands millions of needle is piercin thru my heart..in pain, very painful.. Can someone noe how im feeling now? I think this shall be th last emo post here, i might nt be able to blog anymore or so... I will jus leave this blog silent for sometime.. I noe i cant rush u to love me back like before, i can feel, isn't th same anymore. I really miss those times alort. But all i can do now is to save it back. I hope i can do it.. I really do need u so much in life.. And i hope we are able to go back to th past... And now, i can say.. Im breakin down. But trying to stand up on my own.. Loveyou allways... Somethings i could'nt type it here. I will keep quiet.. I'll try to be th way u wan me to.. I believe im changin for th better.. And wait for u to love me back...

im not!

stop saying tat u are nt important. stop sayin bcos i have gf i change. I nvr. Im still th same. If i nvr cherish u , no point i call and ask u where are you. Askin weather u can go out today anot. Meetin u all almost everyday right? And now u say i change? U donhav to change if u donwan to. No one is askin for u to change now. If u don like to tok more. Den don tok. i asked for nth, but jus not to be forgotten.. Thats all. But still, i alwaes feel forgotten by everyone. Im not like u, got many friends text u or what. I only hav u Ley. Okaey, o don wish to say so much. Mayb to you, i changed. But deep inside i noe im not. Whatever. I don wan to care. Not bcos im tired. Jus let time heal... Get it? Bye

I DONT WANT TO ~

going to bed in a few mins time!

don wish to say so much.
all i can say is im very upset today.
with or without me = no difference.

if you think im selfish,
go ahead.
i don care who's siding.

& this time round, i don care anymore.
i'll jus forget it .

& KEEP ALL MY UPSET INSIDE.

let bygones be bygones.
i'll try.




have been imba-ing bb whole day or can say like on & off attitude,
who is th causes?
zzz
thanks for th understandin.
instead of ignoring me, walking away you came & asked me what happen.
i really appreacieate it.
jus don wish to say at times.
i know im like unreasonable to you. but u still manage to make my smile back again!
jus hope im not forgotten. & I HATE BEING FORGOTTEN!
bcos everyone seems like doing it.
i love you bb .
i can see you are trying to change for a better.
den lets change together.

YOU KNOW THIS IS SO WONDERFUL,
I ACTUALLY HAV SOMEONE WHO LOVE ME WHOLEHEARTLY.
STAY WIT ME, SAYANG ME, BRIGHTENED UP MY DAYS & ACTUALLY
ALLOWED ME TO CLUB! WEEWEE.
im so happy tat bb nvr disapprove me to club.
but like once every 2 weeks or once a week luh..
but still, i know deep inside u don like!
LAUGHS.

okaey,
i took last bus home today & noe what,
inside bus got ti ko pek.
im th only girl in th bus.. no ppl except driver.
th uncle came and sat bside me.
stare at me like no tmr.
im so scared......
when i get down th bus he still continu lookin.
wtf. if he follow me down at th same bustop i think i cry & faint can!?

&& i seriously got soo turn off by some bastard!
can all th man don exist in th world alr!
LAUGHS.
so bad nah..

my daddy so noisy & zzz
when he rches home, he saw me playing comp.
i said: papa, today i 12+ jiu rch home le, give me money!
daddy: u more and more bu auto(chinese) le hor! you wan me yang u till how long
i said: i now no money lah, u also donwan pay my bill for me. u say i come bk early u will giv de. u lie lor
daddy: put $10 bside me, donwan giv u alot . u spend like nobody business. kay siao come back early take money.! give le another day morning den come back!
i said: no ley where got
daddy: donwan to say u luh hor. ur interview hhow?
i said: need to wait luh!
daddy: sighs'' u hor, everytime i see u i sad only. so useless. dunno how to think
i said: i noe lah.! ppl need time ok!


HAHAHA SO FUNNY LEY I THINK OF TH CONVERSATION!
laugh die me ( by bb)
lollol.


okaey luh,
im trying to forget my unhappy stuff.!
bcos disappointment sucks!
goodnight peeps.


im missing you so badly naozx!
sighs, only able to meet u on thursdae. mayb & mayb not also.
:( i hope can meet bb asap....
im dying without her with me luh.
love you ttm okae!!!!!!!!!

wants to cherish every sec with you my dear! `
th only one for me ...

like a whatever

alot of things to be done real badly.!

i want to have another shopping please! i got nothing to wear already luh!
i need shoes, heels, skirt, dress, bags! & everything! agrh~

i need to pay my fone bills so quicklyyy too!

i want outing with gfriendssss!

i want romantic outin with bb! and cable car session (* as i know u scared*)

i want overseas trip!

i need money to pay for end of yr trip!

i need to save up for 2011june bangkok trip!

i need alotalot of things so badly!

i need a full time job!

so tat i can acomplish all this!

agrh ~

cant get to sleep without baby by my side :(

missin bb so badly naozx!




hugggggggg