hardestgoodbye

somehow, no sense of security.
no sense of importance.. at times..
neglected.

at times, i feel so much like a stranger.
i dont even know whats on ur mind nor what do u want or what u are thinking thru tat min.
When i asked, all u said is nth..
but my mood have to swing according too yours. & i still have to pull them back.
mayb i cant say this is so hard.
Bcos some out dere going thru harder things.

I alrdy said i cn b dere for u when u need me.
I don mind suffer abit.
But another hand thinking, do you even need me?
At times feeling neglected.

Jus hope someone really understand me.
You know sometimes things u wrote for me out of a sudden made me feel sweet.
But when i see u in person, th feeling u giv is diff from th things u wrote.

I know, im not & i cant be th one..
I can never replaced.

You're really loving at times.
But out of a sudden u can jus change ur mood without telling me what had happen?
& i jus hav to swallow and go with it.

Th hardest goodbye is when you never even wanna leave, you have to make urself leave.

Things ain't even changing..
Its jus me in my hole, dosen want to come out.
Dosen mean im afraid of th world.
No! Im not' bcos i us wan to rrmain what i hav now..

Worth??? For now, i don know it either.
Even iif one day i might not be around in ur world.
I wan u to rmb, once dres someone, love yoyu so much before.

I'll hope tat i will always be missed by yoou.

Random post. Fml..

When i wake upp, i jus feel so insecure. And i donno whats th fuck is wrong.
You choose to hide, i choose to ride..

My sundays pass like a fast..

F, i jus feel like bursting out my brain now.

I hate this thinking. Cant i be positive more??

I need an answer,,

But nth is truth..
I rather not asked.

Bye.

woahlau i damn pissed off now. i blog for so longgggggg. Damn long den i press wrong button. Everything gone. Nbccb nbccb. I gan pua dulan now. Fuck.


Goin sleep la cb. Waste my time nia. F.



One year has pass. August...
Another national day. This yr everything is so diff.


Workingg. And so baby is
Tmr many ppl working. All cant enjoy. Shag die.

Everything is diff. Thanks to baby, i learn to be stronger and independent.
My previous post so sweet. But i press wrong nbpcb.



We hav to work hard to move out on our own. Save money for a getaway trip.

This is what u promised me.

I nv thot we are still tgt till now. After all th shits.

When u hold me, i will stay for u. As long as u need me in life,


Privided let me feel im cherished by you.

I hate usiing fone to blog. Bcos seriously is pissing me off.

Gooddnight. Everyone. Pls takecare.



Cant sleep without love by my side tonight. I miss you so much.
Time gonna be less for us.
Thinkin when is th next tyme i can see u again make me cry.
I hate to miss u, bcos i feel awful ):


jyjy for ur work. Ii will support u till e end.
I love you always baby.

Be good, and i will pampered u manymany okay.
Im so happy past few days.
Bcos baby cuddle and pat me to sleep.
Hug me from e back.
Treat me super good. Siosio me.
Make me laugh and giggle.

Do stupid stuffs to make me smile.
U are superly cuteee.
I love you so much laaa.

Hugs. U are gonna be my only one. Till my last breathe. I wan nobody else .

Anymore.

Night

getaway pls?

v sleepy & giddy now! heading to bed after i blog.

i need a getaway with babylove!
i wanna go bangkok, taiwan, korea & japan!
i need to save money for th future.
i cannot be a shopaholic anymore.
i quit.!
i don shop anymore.
i work for savings!


want to open a join acct with love when we stable down out finace!
my blog is rotting. i have no mmood to blog.
i dunno why..

i feeling uncomfortable.
i think i going sick soon..

i hate marina bay sand!
i swear im not going dere.!
RANDOM.
jus hate it so much!


baby papazao outside.
i miss her so much now!
bb gonna start work soon!
this coming monday!
our off days are clash.
time tgt will b so much lesser.
unless smtimes u stay my hus & i stay urs.
at least still can cuddle to sleep.
im gonna miss u so much my love.
i hope our love will still be strong.
i hope u wont change of heart
i hope u will always be mine!
i love u dearest..


somehow i want to hate u!
hate u so much.
i super bu shuang u!
& ur fucking life with tat fucking cb~
i jus want my things back! thats it fucker.
agrh~
sometimes, i jus wished i have never knew u bfore.
its a mistake in life to met a person like u!
u're not a man to me but a dog.
HATE U TTM!
fuck off from my life & i shall leave urs & ur memories!
everything shall be erased!
as long as i can, im not gonna think of th places we once go nor do.
get away from my life since u have urs & i have mine!
GUYS ARE SERIOUSLY BASTARD!


im contented with my life now.
even if im living in th lies, i don care too!
i have no time to bother so much.
i jus wan u with me
thats it.
if u love me, u won hurt me or cheat me anymore.
bcos i said, this is gonna be th last chance u had,
pls cherish it.
i love you baby! so much so much ..
i tried to give u th best i can.
but still i noe im useless, i don earn much at all!
but as long as i can. i give it all to you.
u're everything to me.
loves


goodnight

be with me .

at dearest house now!
camp here tonight & work tmr morning.
shag :(

i jus upgrade my medishield.
send to th insurance company see wheather is approve anot.
in case anything happen to me, at least my medical fees got coverage.

weekend faster come please!
i need money so badly.
im like so broke now!
cup noodles for lunch like straight 3 days!
how pathetic i can be?!
HAHA :(

i need pay day.
i want to do alot of things.
HEY PEOPLE! AUGUST NEED MONEY FOR TH GENTING TICKETS ALRDY!
pls put th money aside..

i needa buy some stuffs for love.
i needa do my hair & refill my make up!
I WANT TO CHANGE!
i have to gain back m own self confidence.
else im having very low self esteem now!
I NEED TO START EVERYTHING FROM NEXT MONTH ONWARDS!
not gonna look so cui at work everyday anymore!
wanna be like th lastyme make up der minyee liao!
canot lazyy alrdy.!

hair cui!
like F~
hate it so much luh~ HAISSSSSSS :(

i need some getaway outing tooo!
else im gonna stuffyyyys to death luh!

you know i jus want to be somewhere deres jus me & you!
th both of us, with no telephone. no interupt.
jus th both of us will do..
when can i? fullfill?

oh so random!
I WANT TO GO CAMPING WITH LOVE ON WEEKEND.
like staying in e tent for a night & cycle or blading in e day~
LIKE A FUN SEH~
hopeeee can ?! I HOPE LOVE WANTS LAAA :(

bb watchin teevee now.
i want to sleep alrdy~
WORK WORK WORK! SIBEH SIAN!


lil silly stuffs for my silly love. to see her silly smile!
hearts you alotssss baby!
muacks

REWINDDDDD-EDEDED~

HELLO~
i jus reach home!
gonna bathe after i blog. suddenly wan to blog leh
HAHA~!
listening to super old songs now that found in my comp. those songs are like in my mickey mp3 inside der!

TAN LIYUN MY MP3?
lollol!
RANDOM~


workingg was fine nowadaes.
perhaps i slowly used to it luh!
i loveee drmaa-ing!
HOHO!

kinda random nowww ~
anw i did a stupid thing today!
envelope wrapping agn & agn!
inside i put my hair &* i tell baby is spider!
laugh die me!
sometimes i do alot of silly things ,
but what for? JUS TO SEE UR SMILE (:

you & me , holding on..
go thru all obtacles.
with you, i always will stay by ur side.
never leave u no matter how you are, you look.
in my eyes, u are my perfection!
th cutest i ever met.
th only one i love like i had never loved before.
baby, u are gonna be mine for now till th end.
im not gonna let u go even if u wish to.
im tying u down now by my side.
HEHE!

no matter what is goinng on in future.
lets take step by step.
for now, i don wish to think or care anymore.
pls don do things to regret..
do it. & make it feel worth.
don make me leave you..
bcos u noe, i donwan to....
don regret after doing things.

iloveyou no matter how ..
i don careee any other now.
i know i myself is not pretty, not perfect, not good, not sweet enough, not rich.
not th type u wan ..
but i try to be what u wan me to be.
as long as u're happy.

start to save for my next mth pay.
IM GONNA STRIKE!
& work hard.
i hope nth goes wrong with my body..
i hope i don get sick, bcos i need to work.
i have to takecare of my love.
i wanna be a strong girl (:

alot of things i need to get for baby love.
almost every month of my pay, im gonna buy smth to pamper baby (:
smile. i need ur smile!
HEEHEE..




* i used to hate dating lastyme, bcos its seems so bored.!
i enjoying havingg double dates bcos at least dere my girl friends acompany me!
& we have so much to bitch about!
but NOW?

i love dating! i love times jus th 2 of us!
i loveee every single moment of you & me!
i felt like i have nv loved before.
like is my first rs!
like only u can drive me go crazy!
only u can make me so insane!
OH MY, BABY you make me know whats love!

i can do everything jus for you.
but i jus donwanna get back all th shits!
thats all.
i hope u noe how to cherish me, & be truthful.
don do things that make urself guilty or unhappy.
th realiity is, u're with me. u are mine!
SO COME BACK. don stay at somewhere else where u are not suppose to be.
oh i noe im so random.
jus cam to my mind luh!

i can tolerate all ur shits.
but please to give me those shits i donwant!
i donwant repeat over and over again.
its sickening.

my love for you, how much it is, how true it can be.
u urself noe it very clearly.
how much u meant to me.!

so, im not asking from alot from you.
u noe what i want.

baby, i live my life for you. not for anyone else.
without u, it will gonna be end of my life.!

HEEHEE!

BABY UH! I HAVENT BATHE BCOS IM BLOGGIN BAD ABOUT YOU!
HAHAHAHA!
okay la. go pompom le!
hugsss.

after bathe i shall wait for love to online den webcam with me!
i hopeeeee can laa (:
waiting for u my dear!
ILOVEYOUUUUU SOOOOOO !

muackkies!

goodnight.
im gonna aim for a better life!

what happens when im gone?

sorry to say.
random..


but i feel lack of care & concern from th person i need.
from th person i love, my families.

Its my body, i know.
I wasnt feeling well nowadays.
I donno wads wrong. But i feel weaker and weaker.
I put on a strong front. But im not.

Is dere any sickness or smth?
Having fever on and off for weeks alrdy.
Flu and cough,
bloated stomach.
And v painful

Now my waist feel so uncomfOrtable too.
Every part of my body is gett worst.
Mmmm, do i need to see a doctor??
But unless i admitted to th hospital lying on th bed, else they are not gonna care for me i guess.

Not asking how am i feeling today.
Or whatsoever,
I don wish to complaint how painful itis. Esp when im sleeping at night.

Sighs..

Im not afraid of getting sick, jus feeling lack of concern from th person i need?

They used to.. Care for me..
My parents used to.. My loves one used to..

Okay im not saying that they are not good or whatever. Its jus random. Thats what i think.
I feel tat no one cares abt me.

Even a text saying, are you okay? Also don have.

Mmmmm.
Finishing work soon. V xinku now. My temperature is going up. Agrhhhhh......!

Sighs

Byebye.


Anw, i miss u so much my dear.
I wan you to hug me to reduce th coldness like now?
I wan you to talk to me and make me smile.
But u seems so busy in everywhere.
Even on th phone is also hard

Its actually better not to hope for anything. At least end of th day u will get suprise. But sometymes, we jus wished some good things might happen, and we autoly look forward.
But end up nth comes ...

And so we got disappointed.


After what i have been thru, my mindset has change.

But i donwan to say what has change.. Slowly you will notice..

Its tired to think abt what is gonna happen next. Why not wait and see. Den deceided.

Don care weather im able to take it anot. Jus accept it.

im not deceiving myself.. Anymore.

I kept quiet dosen mean im lying to myself.
I accept th facts but don choose to voice them out.

Oh my, has been sleeping with baby from friday night untill now. ..
Wonder how to sleep without baby tonight. ):

Somehow u are jus so addicttive.

I love you so so much.
More den what i cud think of.

Jus felt tat u are my first love. And gonna be my last.

U gave me th power to strike. To hold th world jus for u,.

Baby, u are my everything.